I turned 32 less than a week ago. It was a good day. It didn't bring with it the same "oh my god" that 30 brought. It didn't have the same kind of reflection that 31 brought. It was just different. I like to measure years in the things I've done, the things I was too scared to do, the risks I took, and the moments I was vulnerable. I don't talk about vulnerability much, but now that I am reading "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown, it's all I think about. As your 30s keep going on, I feel like you gotta work hard to make sure they feel different. Or not. Maybe they don't need to feel different. But I do think every year should be one where you grew a little more than you did the year before.
This past year was a good one. There were changes, there were times of joy, times of sadness. There were weddings, upheavals, babies born. When I turned 31, I could not have expected that come 32, I'd be running my own business. I would not have expected that I would have taken that leap. Even though it's always been there, in the back of my mind, I didn't think I was going to do it just yet. But jobs change, and new jobs don't work out, and you make due with what you can. You listen to your heart and hopefully, you have people around who will catch you when you jump off that tightrope. That's the thing, right? We throw out a line and we hope it comes back with something positive. We blow out those candles and we have 365 more days to get it right. To do more, to learn more, to try harder, to fix the things that need fixing, to mend the fences that need mending, to bring a little more hope into this world, to be a little less scared than we were the day before.
I'm doing my best to go all in. I'm doing my best to not be scared of this new chapter. And yes, there will be hits and misses, and there will be jobs I don't get, and there will be projects that fall through, clients that don't work out, emails that go unreturned, disappointments and failings. But I must keep going. Because 33 has to look different from 32. I want to be back at that restaurant, saying hello to 33, and be proud of what I did, what I made, and how I loved. That's my goal. Will I be exactly where I want to be? Maybe not. But I'll be on my way. And that's something.